I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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