oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
