she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
