I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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