can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
