I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
