You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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