My cat gives me a boner
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize