it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
