There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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