I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
