Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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