Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
