i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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