i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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