Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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