It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
