i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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