can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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