I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
