Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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