Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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