the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
