We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
nutella sex= disaster
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
