what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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