Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
