I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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