who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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