So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
