i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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