So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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