Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
