her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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