so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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