My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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