last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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