So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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