I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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