everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
