I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
