I faked an abortion last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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