He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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