i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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