i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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