I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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