I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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