dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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