Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
