I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
