Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
