I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
