I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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