I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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