There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
