fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
