So drunk its hurt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to sanitize my soul.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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