he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
