i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if only i could text you this smell
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
