It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
