im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
