he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
