We're facebook friends in real life
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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