I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
