I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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