She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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