wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
