It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
