you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's get the cat blown out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
