My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
