Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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