So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
